On the Beach

Holkham Beach

Norfolk 

North Norfolk

Cley next the Sea

Wells Next the Sea

Chelsea Next the sea

St Albans next the sea

 

New Year’s Day walks

Busy

The physical cold on your face

The chat, - the chat, chat, chat, chat, chat

The expanse of sky

The chat, - the chat, chat, chat, chat, chat 

I’m beginning to feel anxious coming out of lockdown

 

The social bubble that is the North Norfolk beaches at Christmas fuels that anxiety

 

The wellies. Barbours, Hunters, Joules

Need a new pair this year

The dogs, labradoodles, goldendoodles, Aussie doodles

cock a fucking doodle doo

 

No one actually lives here

 

They’re all on holiday

And the Rodneys are queuing up God forbid

 

Here comes the sun

And I say 

it’s all right

Holidays in the sun

Holidays in the winter sun

Holidays in the summer sun

 

Let’s go elsewhere

The world

The real world

 

Instagram

Instagrammable

#beach

#oceanview

#beachporn

#porn

 

You’ve got some suntan lotion in that bottle of yours

Spread it all over my peeling skin baby

That feels real good

The embodiment of the neo liberal triumph of convincing people to buy something or VOTE for someone that is not in their interest

 

Some might say that would be a Patek Philippe watch

Or a personalised registration

 

But I would say it’s the beach

On the Beach

 

Does anyone actually enjoy sitting on a beach? Really?

As Chomsky says there’s a way out of this, 

You need to rise up, 

You need to believe, 

You need to communicate

Protect those who are not yet born

but it seems forlorn to me

 

Looks beautiful

Looks fun

 

Fun Fun Fun

Til her daddy takes the T-Bird away sang the Beach Boys

 

But it’s too hot

The soles of your feet burn

 

Burn baby burn 

disco inferno

Dance Dance Dance

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio

 

Dance on the sand

I was dancing when I was twelve

I was dancing when I was twelve

You can’t get rid of the sand

 

You dehydrate

Your head hurts

Your skin burns

It kills you 

Literally

It kills you

 

Like lead white face powder 

 

Like plastic bottles on the beach

 

On the beach

 

Doo do do doot do do do do do do

 

My name is Szczech, Andy Szczech

I'd better go take a swim 

and see if I can cool down a little bit

 

I could think of a lot worse places to be

Like down in the streets

Or down in the sewer

Or even on the end of skewer

 

Holidays in the sun

I don’t wanna holiday in the sun

Is it pretty?

Pretty vacant

Pretty

Pretty

Pretty

Sometimes not so Priti

Priti Patel

 

There’ll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover

The bricks of the land

The Island

Plague Island

 

We shall go on to the end

We shall fight in France

We shall defend our Island whatever the cost maybe

Shouting Lager Lager Lager

 

The Empire Strikes Back

Britannia waives the rules

 

We shall fight on the seas and oceans

We shall fight on the beaches

We shall fight in the hills

We shall never surrender

 

Oi Jimmy – they’ve killed my scooter

Jimmy Jimmy ooo

Jimbo Jimbo

Zimbo Zimbo

Jingo Jingo

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

 

Johnson yells

Here we go

Beware the flag-waving piccaninnies 

Beware the watermelon smiles

Beware those looking like letter boxes

 

Here comes The Sun

And I say

Well, best if I didn’t

 

Here’s some sand

Some more sand

Good for burying my head

Back to the beach 

Norfolk

North Norfolk

Holkham beach

On the beach

On The Beach